Monday, October 25, 2010
I hate to turn this blog into a list of facebook status updates
...but this one is just too hilarious.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Punishment
I saw this on facebook this morning, and thought it was bizarre. That being said, I have no kids, so who knows what in the hell I'll be doing. On that note, I grew up with person #4, and she is a VERY intelligent person who I am sure is a great parent (note how she gives 2 actual suggestions without bringing in politics and religion or saying questionable things).
Person #1 PARENTS: I need your help...
Our precious Ellie is now 14 months old. We are trying to come up with creative ways to discipline her as her sin-nature is becoming more evident. With Josh at this age we usually popped his hand or occasionally his bottom, but since she's a foster daughter, we can't use any corporal punishment...any ideas?
18 hours ago · Comment · Like
Person #2: What is she doing??? I know i dont have children but my oldest sister uses the "time out", sitting in one spot.... i think it works good with one of the twins, the other doesnt care to much. She started this when they were really young....
17 hours ago · Like
Person #3: put her in time out or the playpen if she still uses one with no toys etc. DO NOT use the crib. This is for sleep and it will confuss her. In the playpen if you remove the toys and tell her, she will cry, but willlearn. When it is playtime the toys will be in there with her.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: I use time-out. The suggestion I read was one minute of time-out for however many years old they are, so it would be just one minute for Ellie. I know every child is different, but I was amazed how well it worked for my daughter. I'm trying to remember what it was like at 14 months old . . . does she still sleep in a crib? If so, I used the crib for time-out--I didn't even close the door or anything, I just told her "no," made sure she knew what it was for, and then put her in the crib (told her "time out") and left the room for 1 minute, then came back and got her out. It might sound simple or silly, but it really worked well for us. Now that she is 3 years old, she gets 3 minutes in her room with the door closed for time out.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: (I posted my comment before the one above it showed up for me--the one that mentioned not using the crib. Just wanted to clarify that I was not trying to contradict anyone. We don't have a playpen, but that would obviously work well if you do.)
17 hours ago · Like
Person #5: sounds like you have some good advice here. try reading the babywise books too. if that doesn't work, forget corporal punishment & cut off her hand, cut out her eye or whatever....HA!!!
17 hours ago · Like
Person #3: I like the above comment. We just wore their little bottoms out. The BIBLE says SO!!!!!!
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #6: We don't spank so our current method of discipline is mainly teaching, distracting her with something else, and repeating what we want her to do (and not do lol) over and over and over...lol Some days I feel like a broken record but I know that, at her age, it's what is needed right now. She's learning. :)
17 hours ago · Like
Person #2: My sisters twins are 2 1/2 , they've been doing time out and she disciplines them with sometihng they like... gum or a piece of chocolate. Im sure if she can do time out with 2 you can get Ellie to stick with it.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #7: We used the crib with the boys...she will know the difference between sleeping and "time-out" regardless of where it is...crib or playpen...as you do/say different things for sleeptime or time out....this works really well if she's a social baby, but not so well if she likes to be alone. A firm "NO" was sometimes all G needed...or that plus the crib/playpen. Babywise is good too...I have the second one (for 5-15 months) if you want to borrow it. We also used the bottom for the boys, but I know you can't do that with Ellie....
17 hours ago · Like
Person #8: hates being separated from the action so the threat of timeout in her room usually makes her stop whatever misbehavior she's doing, although she's so strong-willed that she may do it again in a few minutes which is where the dreadfully difficult "consistency" comes into play. If its something they fight over then I take the toy/whatever away. Plus I make sure to praise her bigtime as much as I can when she's good or does something nice.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #9: I agree with Sarah, we used the drib for timeout with dylan and they are not stupid they know they know the difference. It worked with Dylan because the only thing that affected him was isolation. he hated it!
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #9: ...actually we used the crib not the drib
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: Oh yeah, another thing we do sometimes if time-out isn't working (my girl can be as stubborn as me!) is to take away a toy and put it up high--usually where she can see it, but not where she would be tempted to try (dangerously) to climb up and get it. Then we keep an eye out for her doing something good and tell her she can have it back for being good.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #10: Uhhhh duhhhh...bring her to Nana's...LOL! Love you sweetie!
17 hours ago · Like
Person #11: Ella gets put in the naughty corner--she hates isolation, she is am amiable personality like her mama, after all. lol
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #12: Use the "naughty spot" like on Super Nanny and make sure you say it in an English accent. Buy a cheap piece of red cardboard at the store and draw a sad face on it. Put it somewhere semi-isolated and maybe you could have like three little yellow sad faces and give her one for misbehavior and then if she gets three she goes to the naughty spot? On the flip side, have three happy faces and a treat if she earns them. Just throwing ideas out...
16 hours ago · Like
Person #13: I think Time-Out is probably your best bet. And personally, I disagree with doing it in their rooms/crib. My reason for that is b/c my boys go to their rooms to play and their beds to sleep, not to be punished. Again, just my opinion. I like the idea of making your own little "naughty spot" rug. And if you use the English accent, can I come over and watch? :)
16 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #1: Thanks for all the suggestions..we're trying time-out in the hall...we'll see how it goes...it's just so hard to not pop that little hand...It's usually her getting in trouble for touching things she's not suppose to...we'll see how it goes...
Cara, if I break out the British accent, I'll let you know! Haha!
11 hours ago · Like
A few thoughts:
1. If said child is so precious, then why is it "so hard" to not hit her?
2. I think it's funny that someone jokingly said to cut her hand off, and then another person then said immediately "I agree, corporal punishment is good because it's in the Bible."
3. I like it when the person said "we use the crib, MY kids are smart enough that they know the difference between sleeping and punishment." I hope that she was implying that the other people's kids were stupid, and if so, I agree.
Person #1 PARENTS: I need your help...
Our precious Ellie is now 14 months old. We are trying to come up with creative ways to discipline her as her sin-nature is becoming more evident. With Josh at this age we usually popped his hand or occasionally his bottom, but since she's a foster daughter, we can't use any corporal punishment...any ideas?
18 hours ago · Comment · Like
Person #2: What is she doing??? I know i dont have children but my oldest sister uses the "time out", sitting in one spot.... i think it works good with one of the twins, the other doesnt care to much. She started this when they were really young....
17 hours ago · Like
Person #3: put her in time out or the playpen if she still uses one with no toys etc. DO NOT use the crib. This is for sleep and it will confuss her. In the playpen if you remove the toys and tell her, she will cry, but willlearn. When it is playtime the toys will be in there with her.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: I use time-out. The suggestion I read was one minute of time-out for however many years old they are, so it would be just one minute for Ellie. I know every child is different, but I was amazed how well it worked for my daughter. I'm trying to remember what it was like at 14 months old . . . does she still sleep in a crib? If so, I used the crib for time-out--I didn't even close the door or anything, I just told her "no," made sure she knew what it was for, and then put her in the crib (told her "time out") and left the room for 1 minute, then came back and got her out. It might sound simple or silly, but it really worked well for us. Now that she is 3 years old, she gets 3 minutes in her room with the door closed for time out.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: (I posted my comment before the one above it showed up for me--the one that mentioned not using the crib. Just wanted to clarify that I was not trying to contradict anyone. We don't have a playpen, but that would obviously work well if you do.)
17 hours ago · Like
Person #5: sounds like you have some good advice here. try reading the babywise books too. if that doesn't work, forget corporal punishment & cut off her hand, cut out her eye or whatever....HA!!!
17 hours ago · Like
Person #3: I like the above comment. We just wore their little bottoms out. The BIBLE says SO!!!!!!
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #6: We don't spank so our current method of discipline is mainly teaching, distracting her with something else, and repeating what we want her to do (and not do lol) over and over and over...lol Some days I feel like a broken record but I know that, at her age, it's what is needed right now. She's learning. :)
17 hours ago · Like
Person #2: My sisters twins are 2 1/2 , they've been doing time out and she disciplines them with sometihng they like... gum or a piece of chocolate. Im sure if she can do time out with 2 you can get Ellie to stick with it.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #7: We used the crib with the boys...she will know the difference between sleeping and "time-out" regardless of where it is...crib or playpen...as you do/say different things for sleeptime or time out....this works really well if she's a social baby, but not so well if she likes to be alone. A firm "NO" was sometimes all G needed...or that plus the crib/playpen. Babywise is good too...I have the second one (for 5-15 months) if you want to borrow it. We also used the bottom for the boys, but I know you can't do that with Ellie....
17 hours ago · Like
Person #8: hates being separated from the action so the threat of timeout in her room usually makes her stop whatever misbehavior she's doing, although she's so strong-willed that she may do it again in a few minutes which is where the dreadfully difficult "consistency" comes into play. If its something they fight over then I take the toy/whatever away. Plus I make sure to praise her bigtime as much as I can when she's good or does something nice.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #9: I agree with Sarah, we used the drib for timeout with dylan and they are not stupid they know they know the difference. It worked with Dylan because the only thing that affected him was isolation. he hated it!
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #9: ...actually we used the crib not the drib
17 hours ago · Like
Person #4: Oh yeah, another thing we do sometimes if time-out isn't working (my girl can be as stubborn as me!) is to take away a toy and put it up high--usually where she can see it, but not where she would be tempted to try (dangerously) to climb up and get it. Then we keep an eye out for her doing something good and tell her she can have it back for being good.
17 hours ago · Like
Person #10: Uhhhh duhhhh...bring her to Nana's...LOL! Love you sweetie!
17 hours ago · Like
Person #11: Ella gets put in the naughty corner--she hates isolation, she is am amiable personality like her mama, after all. lol
17 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #12: Use the "naughty spot" like on Super Nanny and make sure you say it in an English accent. Buy a cheap piece of red cardboard at the store and draw a sad face on it. Put it somewhere semi-isolated and maybe you could have like three little yellow sad faces and give her one for misbehavior and then if she gets three she goes to the naughty spot? On the flip side, have three happy faces and a treat if she earns them. Just throwing ideas out...
16 hours ago · Like
Person #13: I think Time-Out is probably your best bet. And personally, I disagree with doing it in their rooms/crib. My reason for that is b/c my boys go to their rooms to play and their beds to sleep, not to be punished. Again, just my opinion. I like the idea of making your own little "naughty spot" rug. And if you use the English accent, can I come over and watch? :)
16 hours ago · Like · 1 person
Person #1: Thanks for all the suggestions..we're trying time-out in the hall...we'll see how it goes...it's just so hard to not pop that little hand...It's usually her getting in trouble for touching things she's not suppose to...we'll see how it goes...
Cara, if I break out the British accent, I'll let you know! Haha!
11 hours ago · Like
A few thoughts:
1. If said child is so precious, then why is it "so hard" to not hit her?
2. I think it's funny that someone jokingly said to cut her hand off, and then another person then said immediately "I agree, corporal punishment is good because it's in the Bible."
3. I like it when the person said "we use the crib, MY kids are smart enough that they know the difference between sleeping and punishment." I hope that she was implying that the other people's kids were stupid, and if so, I agree.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Bills
So, I got a bill in the mail the other day from a company whose services I require. This bill said I was past due on my payments, which aren't made at a monthly interval. The company sends me a bill, and I pay the bill. Promptly and on time. I had to laugh when I looked at the information in the following boxes:
Dute Date: 10/01/2010
Date Billed: 10/10/2010
How am I supposed to pay a bill that I haven't been billed?
Chris has a similar experience with renter's insurance. Basically, they just send him a past due notice every month instead of a bill. Of course, he pays the bill, and he pays it on time.
Are these places just out of stationery for people who pay shit when they're supposed to? Do they get to use that stuff so infrequently that they've forgotten it exists?
Dute Date: 10/01/2010
Date Billed: 10/10/2010
How am I supposed to pay a bill that I haven't been billed?
Chris has a similar experience with renter's insurance. Basically, they just send him a past due notice every month instead of a bill. Of course, he pays the bill, and he pays it on time.
Are these places just out of stationery for people who pay shit when they're supposed to? Do they get to use that stuff so infrequently that they've forgotten it exists?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
News Idiots
I was watching the Today Show this morning. There is a story about a girl who goes to Duke. She slept with a bunch of athletes, and then made a professional-grade PowerPoint about how good or bad the guys were in bed. She emailed it to her friends, and then it spread like wildfire.
Now, some of you might think that the girl in the story is an idiot. I don't know that she is. I think that idiots are the people at the Today Show who think that a college student being slutty and everyone finding out is a news story. They had on some expert who talked about how everyone should "start early" talking to their children about sex and the dangers of the internet.
Really? This girl is a college graduate, not a 15-year-old. If she wants to be in porn or be a stripper, she can. If she wants to have sex with all kinds of football players and the infamous Duke Lacrosse team, she can. In the words of Britney Spears, that's her prerogative. If she wants to make a funny PowePoint about it "didn't last very long," kudos to her.
The Biggest Idiot of All was the "internet safety advocate" that they interviewed. She went on and on about the dangers of posting things online. "Everyone will know!" "Young children don't know what they're doing to themselves when they put things online!" The kicker for me was when Meredith Viera pointed out that this is the type of thing that frat guys do all the time. This "expert" said something along the lines of yes men might do it, but "women have lost all their modesty this days." Double standard there much? Can we please get past the boys will be boys mentality? Girls wanna be slutty, too!
Now throw in the fact that most people would have never heard this story if it hadn't been broadcast on the biggest news show in the country, and you have a bunch of idiots.
Here's the story.
Now, some of you might think that the girl in the story is an idiot. I don't know that she is. I think that idiots are the people at the Today Show who think that a college student being slutty and everyone finding out is a news story. They had on some expert who talked about how everyone should "start early" talking to their children about sex and the dangers of the internet.
Really? This girl is a college graduate, not a 15-year-old. If she wants to be in porn or be a stripper, she can. If she wants to have sex with all kinds of football players and the infamous Duke Lacrosse team, she can. In the words of Britney Spears, that's her prerogative. If she wants to make a funny PowePoint about it "didn't last very long," kudos to her.
The Biggest Idiot of All was the "internet safety advocate" that they interviewed. She went on and on about the dangers of posting things online. "Everyone will know!" "Young children don't know what they're doing to themselves when they put things online!" The kicker for me was when Meredith Viera pointed out that this is the type of thing that frat guys do all the time. This "expert" said something along the lines of yes men might do it, but "women have lost all their modesty this days." Double standard there much? Can we please get past the boys will be boys mentality? Girls wanna be slutty, too!
Now throw in the fact that most people would have never heard this story if it hadn't been broadcast on the biggest news show in the country, and you have a bunch of idiots.
Here's the story.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Simple Arithmetic
I went for a nice long bike ride on Saturday and stopped in a town called Alvarado, VA. I was looking for some water after I did a very graceful front flip off of my bike and landed on my camelbak causing 3L of water to run down my back...There was a very nice old man sitting on the front porch and he said
"Where you coming from?"
"Whitetop, VA."
"How far is that?"
"Not sure"
"Let me find a map." He went to look for a map and meanwhile I saw one posted on the window. I was on a trail and Alvarado is at Mile Marker 9. Whitetop is at mile marker 34. Hmm...how far away am I?
"Well here's a map I rustled up of this here trail. It looks like Alvarado here is around mile marker 9 and that Whitetop is all the way at mile marker 34. So if you went to Damascus it would be about 8 miles, then you'd head up to here which would be 10 more miles and then you'd head on to Whitetop which looks like it would be about 6 or so miles. So that's 8 and 10 and hmmm...yeah I'd say you'd be about 20 something miles away."
Thanks. I had figured 34-9 about 5 minutes ago. He was a nice enough guy and normally I would be nicer, but he never let me have any water either.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
“Pennies” damn it!
Many people at my school, faculty, students and parents, try to find ways to help others. It seems some group is always promoting some campaign to raise money, donate food or collect books for a worthy cause. I think that is a great thing.
What is not a great thing, is having gross spelling errors on campaign posters. You see, there is a penny drive going on to raise money for some charity. Students from various classes have made posters to put up in the hallways to encourage everyone to bring their pennies to school. Walking down two main hallways full of these posters, I don’t think I’ve seen the word penny pluralized correctly on any of them. I’ve seen penny’s, penneys, pennys and penney’s. I have also seen you’re and your both spelled ur various times. To be fair, someone has gone back, in pencil, to try to correct some of the ur sightings by adding yo- to the beginnings. But when the rest of the poster is in marker, a thin pencil correction cannot be seen unless you are standing directly in front of the damn thing. NOTHING has been done about the failed attempts at pluralizing penny.
My question is, who the fuck allowed these posters on the hallways of a SCHOOL? Let’s conveniently ignore the fact that middle school students should be able to spell the aforementioned words correctly. Where are the adults who allowed the posters on the wall? Why didn’t they make the students correct them? What do they think literate visitors to our school will think?
I know I have high expectations and standards that can sometimes be a little too high, but is it so much to ask that a few basic words be fucking spelled correctly? Sheesh, what profession am I in again?
Friday, October 1, 2010
Follow Up: Idiots Who Can't Shut Up About Their Children
Megan, I knew that there were a lot of parenting blogs. But I just clicked "next blog" 17 times, only to find baby blog after baby blog after baby blog. Same story, different names. However, on the 18th "next blog," I finally found something interesting.
Here's the About Me: From San Diego, California living in New York City. Thirty-one year old HIV+ gay Mormon/LDS guy just living life and enjoying the journey. I believe some things, I hope for lots of things, I have endured many things, and definitely hope to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, I seek after these things...sometimes.
Scandalous! Sounds a lot more interesting that reading about how messy some lady's kid was as he ate his birthday cake, or "am i ready or not" for baby number two.
Baby Idiots
No...I'm not writing a post about how babies are idiots (although my dear husband's favorite thing to say after seeing a young child is that "babies are stupid"). I'm writing about how completely ridiculous some young parents can be.
Every morning, there is a TV show on TLC about new parents during the first few weeks raising their baby at home. This show, coupled with Teen Mom and the statuses of parents I know on facebook, has made me question who should be allowed to keep their children.
I'm not talking about the big things--these people manage to get food in their kids and put a roof over their heads. I'm talking about this growing notion that parents are owed something: a quiet, consistent baby, food delivered to them, hours and hours of sleep a day. The notion that a baby is an accessory, a trendy little thing that you use to express yourself.
I always grew up being taught that having a baby is HARD. The hardest thing a person would ever do, in fact! This is why women for hundreds of years have dedicated time to being stay-at-home moms. They do this, not because it is a luxury, because they want to be lazy, but because it was a necessity before modern conveniences. So I find it shocking (and in fact idiotic) when parents seem baffled for how difficult being a new mom is.
"WHAT?!?! When does my baby get on a schedule??!?!"
I've heard this both from a friend and from parents on TV. Your baby is on a schedule-its own. It will do whatever it wants for the first few months, and you can't do much about that. What type of person goes into child rearing thinking, "My baby will live on my schedule, not the other way around?!" Please. Why do you think parents don't sleep? Because their baby does what it wants, when it wants.
Baby Names
I know that parents want to let everyone know how badass and cool they are by naming their baby something unique and trendy. And I'm not talking about Lashauntaqueisha (LQ, anyone?). I'm talking about people who name their kids obscure Gaelic things, thinking that their kid will just be so much cooler than everyone else. Wrong! Your kid will be a nerd like you, and no one will ever be able to say or pronounce little Findabhair's name (I copied and pasted that from a baby name website, so don't accuse me of making it up). And then there are all the stupid last name first names: Parker, Carter, Campbell, Madison. Now, if this is your family's name, I get it. But it makes NO SENSE to name your kid after no one, does it?! No. I realize this a personal pet peeve of mine, and that everyone reading this blog will probably get pissed off. I don't give a shit. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. Because I'm right. Like I was right when I was the only woman in the world who thought "Grey's Anatomy" was shit.
Then there are the names that are only cute when you're a baby. Most recently, a friend of mine named her son Cayden. As my mom said, "that's a baby name." Not a grown man. A baby. Do you think little Cayden will grow up to be president? I don't. If he does, he'll go by C. Adam. And I won't even go into the other names that people thought were edgy 15 years ago and then stuck. Kaylas of this generation will be the Brittanys of mine.
Oh, and I almost forgot! The baby name category most growing in popularity! The grandma names! Chris and I jokingly say that we will name our firstborn after my Uncle Clovis. Now, don't get me wrong. I think that SOME old-fashioned names are very pretty/solid and probably should be put back on the market. I might even go crazy and try to name my baby after a dead relative. However, some names are just straight. up. ugly. Example: Gertrude. Say it out loud. Grrrr. Trude. Intrude? Rude? Gerber? I don't know. No positive connotations for me. Maybe I'm just closed-minded.
Now really, you can name your baby whatever the hell you want, and I won't actually care. If you like a name, then go for it. But don't, after you've chosen said name, act like you're so god damned clever for finding a name on a list. Unless you legitimately made up a a name yourself, with the starting materials of the letters of the alphabet, then you're just stealing someone else's work. And you probably picked a stupid name, anyway.
Stupid Life Principals for Babies
What made me decide to finally break out the stupid parenting blog was an episode of "Bringing Home Baby." The parents featured on this particular show are extreme environmentalists. And kudos to them. We should all do our part. They should feel free to use all the cloth diapers in the world. Buy your baby organic clothes that will fall apart the second time you wash them. That's your prerogative. But do you really think it's a great idea to raise a baby vegan? To give it no vaccines? To take out a 1-month old baby on the back of your bicycle? Just as it Jehovah's Witnesses who refuse to give their children blood transfusions, your extreme beliefs are probably going to end up biting your baby on the ass.
Yes, not giving your baby vaccines might mean it won't have autism (even though that idea has been completely debunked. As much as any scientific notion can be proved false, this stupid one has been. Vaccines do not cause austism. But that's another rant). But, anyway, I hope she doesn't contract German Measles, or you'll be up shit creek, and you refused the paddle in the name of trendy parenting.
And to be fair, this isn't just all about environmentalists and health nuts. Every type of extremist belief system applies. It could be having 19 kids due to religious reasons and not having time for anyone. It could be following a basketball team religiously and dressing your baby up only in your team's garb. It could be your own life-ruling germ phobia (that leads to your child be allergic to and sick from EVERYTHING). Anything taken the the nth degree will eventually lead to baby failure.
Over Parenting
Then there are the over-parents. I have a special distaste for these parents after my gifted middle school teaching experience. Some moms and dads, out of painfully misguided love, spend 100% of their time nurturing (a.k.a. smothering) their children. This is a sure-fire way to raise a spoiled asshole with a sense of entitelment. It's great that you care about your kid and all, but really, they kind of suck if you do this. I have a facebook friend who has two over-parented children. Apparently, this lady spends all her time making handmade clothing, food, and crafts for her kids. It's all she thinks about. And it's not like her kids look or act any better than other kids. It's not even like she's saving money. And you KNOW she's at her kids' school every day, driving teachers crazy. I'm sure she checks (a.k.a. does) their homework every night, and then complains to the teacher that she knew EVERYTHING when Mommy Dearest quizzed them on it the night before, so why did little Siobhan fail the test? It has to be the teacher's fault. She knows her child, and her five-year-old would never accidentally lose her homework on the bus. The teacher lost it. That's the only reasonable explanation.
The Under Parent
Then, on the other side of the spectrum, is the under parent. We've all had the unpleasant experience of meeting these parents' offspring in public. The ones, say, crawling under your table and poking their grubby fingers in your food at a Mexican restaurant (True story. Chris asked the little girl if she had ever been stabbed with a knife before.). Running down the aisles of Target pulling items off the shelf. Walking up to you, a stranger, while you're on a walk, asking if you've seen her puppy, he's been missing for nine months.
I encountered the most extreme version of this parent at a recent dinner party. An adult dinner party, no less (no, not THAT kind of adult dinner party). This lady, who definitely needed to spend all her time getting her own act together, of course was the proud parent of Eva. Little Miss Eva was raised under the pretense that children should never be punished; they inherently know that they should do the right thing and have to learn to make positive decisions on their own. Now that all sounds great, but really, it's just a giant crock of shit. Evidence: Eva.
Eva spend the first chunk of the evening playing with her mom's iphone. Not so bad. But when that got old, she took off all of her clothes and then starting pounding her butt as hard as she could on the ground, the couch, and her mom's purse. With each bump, she let out a cry louder than the one before. Then, she started running around, eyes at coffee table corner level. Everyone in the room, except for her mom, apparently, was worried that she would cause bodily harm to herself. Mom never seemed to notice. In fact, mom was so out of it, that when she left, she didn't have her shoes on. She never noticed: someone else at the party said "Whose shoes are these?" Process of elimination led us to Eva's mom.
After Eva and Company left, we discussed the parenting skills in her life further. Eva, at the ripe old age of two, had already had an extremely traumatic and life-changing experience. One of her eyes had to be removed because a dog attacked it. Apparently it was the family dog. Now my greatest fear is that if we have a kid, that our dog will attack it. This is why we have no kids. We're just going to have to wait for Cash Money to die. But really? You put your one-year-old in a playpen with a dog and leave it unattended? I can't help but think that this tragic accident could have been avoided by being a little bit more involved in your child's life.
Well...That's my rant for today. I didn't expect this blog to take me over an hour to write. And I know that someday, I'll be a parent, too, and I'll do things that will make people think I'm a straight up idiot. And that's their prerogative. But for now, it's my turn. Stop being idiotic so that your kids don't have to be idiots, too.
Then there are the names that are only cute when you're a baby. Most recently, a friend of mine named her son Cayden. As my mom said, "that's a baby name." Not a grown man. A baby. Do you think little Cayden will grow up to be president? I don't. If he does, he'll go by C. Adam. And I won't even go into the other names that people thought were edgy 15 years ago and then stuck. Kaylas of this generation will be the Brittanys of mine.
Oh, and I almost forgot! The baby name category most growing in popularity! The grandma names! Chris and I jokingly say that we will name our firstborn after my Uncle Clovis. Now, don't get me wrong. I think that SOME old-fashioned names are very pretty/solid and probably should be put back on the market. I might even go crazy and try to name my baby after a dead relative. However, some names are just straight. up. ugly. Example: Gertrude. Say it out loud. Grrrr. Trude. Intrude? Rude? Gerber? I don't know. No positive connotations for me. Maybe I'm just closed-minded.
Now really, you can name your baby whatever the hell you want, and I won't actually care. If you like a name, then go for it. But don't, after you've chosen said name, act like you're so god damned clever for finding a name on a list. Unless you legitimately made up a a name yourself, with the starting materials of the letters of the alphabet, then you're just stealing someone else's work. And you probably picked a stupid name, anyway.
Stupid Life Principals for Babies
What made me decide to finally break out the stupid parenting blog was an episode of "Bringing Home Baby." The parents featured on this particular show are extreme environmentalists. And kudos to them. We should all do our part. They should feel free to use all the cloth diapers in the world. Buy your baby organic clothes that will fall apart the second time you wash them. That's your prerogative. But do you really think it's a great idea to raise a baby vegan? To give it no vaccines? To take out a 1-month old baby on the back of your bicycle? Just as it Jehovah's Witnesses who refuse to give their children blood transfusions, your extreme beliefs are probably going to end up biting your baby on the ass.
Yes, not giving your baby vaccines might mean it won't have autism (even though that idea has been completely debunked. As much as any scientific notion can be proved false, this stupid one has been. Vaccines do not cause austism. But that's another rant). But, anyway, I hope she doesn't contract German Measles, or you'll be up shit creek, and you refused the paddle in the name of trendy parenting.
And to be fair, this isn't just all about environmentalists and health nuts. Every type of extremist belief system applies. It could be having 19 kids due to religious reasons and not having time for anyone. It could be following a basketball team religiously and dressing your baby up only in your team's garb. It could be your own life-ruling germ phobia (that leads to your child be allergic to and sick from EVERYTHING). Anything taken the the nth degree will eventually lead to baby failure.
Over Parenting
Then there are the over-parents. I have a special distaste for these parents after my gifted middle school teaching experience. Some moms and dads, out of painfully misguided love, spend 100% of their time nurturing (a.k.a. smothering) their children. This is a sure-fire way to raise a spoiled asshole with a sense of entitelment. It's great that you care about your kid and all, but really, they kind of suck if you do this. I have a facebook friend who has two over-parented children. Apparently, this lady spends all her time making handmade clothing, food, and crafts for her kids. It's all she thinks about. And it's not like her kids look or act any better than other kids. It's not even like she's saving money. And you KNOW she's at her kids' school every day, driving teachers crazy. I'm sure she checks (a.k.a. does) their homework every night, and then complains to the teacher that she knew EVERYTHING when Mommy Dearest quizzed them on it the night before, so why did little Siobhan fail the test? It has to be the teacher's fault. She knows her child, and her five-year-old would never accidentally lose her homework on the bus. The teacher lost it. That's the only reasonable explanation.
The Under Parent
Then, on the other side of the spectrum, is the under parent. We've all had the unpleasant experience of meeting these parents' offspring in public. The ones, say, crawling under your table and poking their grubby fingers in your food at a Mexican restaurant (True story. Chris asked the little girl if she had ever been stabbed with a knife before.). Running down the aisles of Target pulling items off the shelf. Walking up to you, a stranger, while you're on a walk, asking if you've seen her puppy, he's been missing for nine months.
I encountered the most extreme version of this parent at a recent dinner party. An adult dinner party, no less (no, not THAT kind of adult dinner party). This lady, who definitely needed to spend all her time getting her own act together, of course was the proud parent of Eva. Little Miss Eva was raised under the pretense that children should never be punished; they inherently know that they should do the right thing and have to learn to make positive decisions on their own. Now that all sounds great, but really, it's just a giant crock of shit. Evidence: Eva.
Eva spend the first chunk of the evening playing with her mom's iphone. Not so bad. But when that got old, she took off all of her clothes and then starting pounding her butt as hard as she could on the ground, the couch, and her mom's purse. With each bump, she let out a cry louder than the one before. Then, she started running around, eyes at coffee table corner level. Everyone in the room, except for her mom, apparently, was worried that she would cause bodily harm to herself. Mom never seemed to notice. In fact, mom was so out of it, that when she left, she didn't have her shoes on. She never noticed: someone else at the party said "Whose shoes are these?" Process of elimination led us to Eva's mom.
After Eva and Company left, we discussed the parenting skills in her life further. Eva, at the ripe old age of two, had already had an extremely traumatic and life-changing experience. One of her eyes had to be removed because a dog attacked it. Apparently it was the family dog. Now my greatest fear is that if we have a kid, that our dog will attack it. This is why we have no kids. We're just going to have to wait for Cash Money to die. But really? You put your one-year-old in a playpen with a dog and leave it unattended? I can't help but think that this tragic accident could have been avoided by being a little bit more involved in your child's life.
Well...That's my rant for today. I didn't expect this blog to take me over an hour to write. And I know that someday, I'll be a parent, too, and I'll do things that will make people think I'm a straight up idiot. And that's their prerogative. But for now, it's my turn. Stop being idiotic so that your kids don't have to be idiots, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)