Facebook friends I should unfriend

There is a certain proportion of my Facebook friends who I should probably unfriend, I tell myself sometimes. But if I did, what (and who) would I have to entertain me? So I continue to follow these moronic people with whom I attended elementary school (usually) or worked (less often, but there are plenty of those idiots, too) and am then forced to physically restrain myself from making some snarky comment about their moronic post(s). Instead, I'll post about it here.

Here's something I noticed today on my Facebook "timeline", written by a "friend" from elementary school (I hope she didn't get much further than that in school; if so, I will have to have even less faith in our public schools):

Thank you to the ppl who broke in my car & took my wallet, credit cards, licence, birth certficate, insurance cards, school books/binders, tanning lotions, iPod, etc. first night I sleep good in weeks & wake up to that!

Please stop and think about what you have just read for a moment. See if you had the same reaction/question that I had.

.... 

Ready?

Now, because you are reading this blog, I'm assuming your reaction was something like "Why was all of that stuff in her car?" If so, good! If not, that's okay, I won't make fun of you... this time. But read on...

Let's break this down. Remember, all of the items mentioned above were stolen from her car:

--Wallet: I can understand leaving your wallet in the car for a few minutes, but based on the context of her post (I am going to ignore all the spelling and grammar issues this time around) I'm assuming this robbery happened overnight. Why would you leave your wallet in the car overnight?

--Credit cards: Same as above, but it makes even less sense to leave your wallet in the car when they are full of credit cards (and when, based on prior posts I've seen from you, you already have a major credit card spending problem).

--License: Again, this was probably in your wallet. It's a good idea to have your license in the car when you are also in the car, you know, in case anything happens, so you can be identified. 

--Birth certificate: This might be the strangest part of all. I do not understand this, UNLESS for some strange reason, she happened to be transporting her birth certificate from one place to another. Even so, I would not leave my birth certificate in the car overnight.

--Insurance cards: This makes sense assuming it's her car insurance, but I'm guessing she is referring to her health insurance card...

--School books/binders: This makes the most sense of all the items that were stolen. It just makes me really sad that she is in school. And I'm not sure you need your school books in the car when your school is the University of Phoenix.

--Tanning lotions: This girl is already way too dark. She is going to die of skin cancer. I do not understand how it is perfectly acceptable to scream at strangers that they shouldn't smoke, yet our society condones (and prefers) sun-baked bodies. Ugh. 

--iPod: So I leave my iPod in the car sometimes... if it were ever stolen, that would be my own damn fault, and I would not complain about it on Facebook.

Now let's examine some of the sympathetic comments made on my "friend"'s post:

Wtf!!!!! Ash dis has to be a.damn dream!

Wow. That is so insightful.

Oh honey! I am sooo sorry - lemme know if can do anything 

You should tell your friend to stop being such an idiot, maybe?

#Norfolk 

(Response from my idiot friend): Va beach nice neighborhood not mine my parents 

So she means a white neighborhood. And apparently it's okay to leave ALL OF YOUR BELONGINGS in the car overnight, as long as it's in a "nice neighborhood". Oops. Not so much.

Oh hell no! My shit got broke into twice in virginia. Sorry honey

So based on this poster's empirical study, no one should visit Virginia. Ever.

damn thats crazy 

It's crazy? Really? You're surprised?

Did you put a fraud alert out on your name

I like this above post. No sympathy expressed. Just some good advice.

:( oh my gosh. I'm so sorry girl, that's horrible! 

Not as horrible as having skin cancer...

Probably shouldn't leave your wallet and shit in your car.  

THANK YOU!

Sigh. That is all.